CS: You’re wise to consider what impact this offer might have on your father and his relationship with his girlfriend, but I don’t see any red flags. If your father felt uncomfortable with the idea, or if you thought his girlfriend might harbor an ulterior motive, I’d have entirely different advice for you. But this doesn’t appear to be the case. It seems your father’s girlfriend wants to pay off your debt for her stated reasons: because she has the ability to, because she wants to, and most importantly, because she’s impressed with you and your brother — the adult children of the man she loves. Still, I encourage you to have a candid discussion with your father and his girlfriend to clarify the terms of her offer. Is it truly a no-strings gift, or one she might later regret? It’s a tough question to ask, but one worth knowing the answer to. As for your mother, I hope you’ll help her see that guilt is the last thing she should feel. The years of love, support and financial assistance she’s given you and your brother aren’t obliterated by your father’s girlfriend’s generosity. If anything, your mom made it more likely you and your brother would be offered such a gift. She raised two people who became “outstanding citizens,” after all.
SA: As you mull all this, it might help to step back and recognize how skewed the distribution of wealth is, especially in America. The very fact that you want to work in social services means, perversely, that you’re likely to earn a lot less money than someone who wants to market pesticides. This is why schoolteachers across this country are having to strike for a livable wage while those born into wealth watch their portfolios bulge. The very notion that the rich are virtuous and the poor are morally defective is one of our most absurd and damaging cultural myths. And it probably contributes to the stress you feel about your debt, Underwater. Your father’s girlfriend certainly deserves your gratitude as an ally, especially if her motives reflect respect for you, and an interest in economic justice. She’s right that both you and your brother deserve the opportunity to educate yourselves without going into debt. All Americans deserve that, frankly. One final suggestion: If you’re looking for novels that might help you navigate your complex feelings about debt, look to the work of Charles Dickens. His books return, again and again, to that theme. And take heart in the lesson his books affirm: What matters most of all isn’t what you’re given, but what you do with it.
Article source: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/24/style/student-debt-pay-off.html?partner=rss&emc=rss
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